That's what I'm doing.

I opened the latest package I'd ordered online tonight and set out my new treasures around my office. An electric kettle, a singlecup teapot and saucer that sit on top of each other for convenient storage, and a selection of teas. Yesterday, I unpacked the new desk chair pad, footstool and desktop mat.

Today I thought the only thing I need now is a small refrigerator to keep chilled water, sodas and juice. I could hole up down here for weeks and never see daylight. Someone could bring me my meals as I work. I only have to walk fifteen feet to the bed or the bathroom.

Then it hit me. I'm deliberately isolating myself. I'm making my workspace my home, which wouldn't be such an unhealthy thing if I didn't already spend over twelve hours a day here.

The three-year-old is going to stay with daddy for a month and I won't have anyone tugging on my hand to come watch Dora or push her on the swing. My daughter just graduated from the academy today and received her badge, so the next few weeks she'll be busy starting this new, exciting life that won't include me. I think I've been preparing for being alone and being depressed.

Which isn't good, because when I'm feeling down I don't write, and I've already been fighting to try to keep to a schedule.

I mentioned to a friend today that I don't love what I'm writing right now. That I wonder if I've lost it. She said she'd heard the exact same words from every other writer she has close ties with. It's the time of year. It's nice to know I'm not the only one suffering whiny writer-self-esteem issues and that maybe the shorter days and cooler weather are part of the cause.

Perhaps what I should be investing in right now are some metaphysical books to look for explanations and ways to heal myself, along with lists of affirmations. So, if you know of any that might help--please send them my way! ~DD

You need some time to mend. Youc ant spend 12 hours a day writing with no release. Medition or yoga. You need to find your center. And you ahvent lost it! I would know I read everything. You just need to clear your mind and soul so you feel better.

love and hugs
~~heather aka trouble

I agree with Heather! Yoga is great for what ails you. I feel much better when I am in balance.

You can't be losing it when you can write eloquently about the issues you are currently facing. I would say the season and an empty nest are causing the blues.

Keep your spirits up!

Lisa

A good friend listen to me cry Christmas Day about how lonely I was ("all by myself, don't want to be all by myself" is a terrible thing to happen to your iPod when you are sad) and she said..."Use it in your writing. Write it out in a scene. Torture a character--not yourself."

So I did. It helped. Some. Good luck!

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